Do you remember?

I was in my early 20’s when you decided to fall apart. Don’t let that age fool you, though… I had already been through a lot. Momma left when things got bad. Do you remember that? Do you, dad? You drank and drank to get rid of the pain; you drowned in your sorrows, it poured; it rained. You called me and said you had nothing left to give. Do you remember that dad, do you remember what you did? I begged and begged but you wouldn’t listen. You said life wasn’t worth it, not with her missing. I could hear it in your voice- you were ready to go. You couldn’t deal with the pain, you had hit your lowest low. It was so bad.. do you remember that, dad? You went to the dam and said that this was the end. You didn’t think that after it all, you would mend. You revved your truck up and hit the gas. You said that you loved me like it was your last. When the phone went silent, my heart sank. There was nothing on the other line.. my mind went blank. Do you remember that? Do you dad? You finally came to your senses after sisters boyfriend calmed you down. He saved your life, you could have drowned. You wouldn’t let him near you, you tried to get him out of the way. Do you remember that dad, do you remember that day? You had so many people who wanted you to live.. but you didn’t have anything left to give. We tried and tried to tell you your worth…. but all you wanted to do was leave this earth. After that it was hard to forget. We tried to hit pause and reset. Now, every time you don’t pick up your phone… we freak out, we don’t want you to be gone.

We love you, dad.